Culturally we dismiss sex as a laughable, unmentionable act, our views loaded with judgment. The questions of getting it, giving it, and enjoying it all roll around inside the private minds of the cosmopolitan community. Pressures mount up and expectations are confusing for all of us.

Contradictions around the liberation of sex are sending us into a world of mixed messages. With the loss of important boundaries and the over sexualisation of our culture, we are being led into a very dangerous place. Sex trafficking is on the increase, the 3rd largest criminal industry next to arms and drugs. Men are engaging in paid sex, unaware that a murderous mafia has transformed the sex industry, terrorising innocent children and women. Prostitution, and lap dancing have become socially acceptable, and women have largely adopted a male attitude towards sex.

Religious fanaticism is on a global increase and is dramatically affecting the freedom of women around the world, eroding their rights to education, and sexual and political freedom. The facts are simple; where there is a lack of equality between men and women there is a shocking increase in violence.

On the other hand, there is a truth in saying that the urban western woman has more information than ever. Her expectations for pleasure are finally matching the demands of her male counterparts and for the first time in history women have the freedom to express themselves. We are at a precarious place within unfolding history – we need to make a choice as to what kind of world we wish to live in.

Sex is a precious act that adds to the pleasure of our lives. It can give us insurmountable happiness and draw us close to the ones we love. Sex is a function like eating and sleeping, however, the golden secret is pleasure. Pleasure is a lot more complicated as how we give and how we receive pleasure is what unlocks the doors of paradise. Understanding pleasure takes communication and vulnerability.

Great sex makes us less angry, more loving and happier as a whole. However, sex has more purposes than being a simple sustenance to the soul. It is great for our personal health and medical evidence has shown that the endorphins that are released are one of the best and most effective anti depressants around. Additionally, sex lowers blood pressure, is a great pain reliever, helps keeps the heart healthy and your body trim.

If we want to be a sexually liberated society, first of all we have to understand there is only one rule to our freedom and that involves understanding the importance of consent, this sounds simple and obvious but we are not taught what true consent truly. Consent is based on negotiation between the people involved and the understanding of what the parameters are that surround consent. Consent can only come through empowerment, and empowerment can only come from understanding yourself, and what you are entitled to.

Our attitudes towards sex dictate how we treat each other, and ourselves. Sex is more important to us socially than we give it credit, being non-judgmental kind and respectful are the values that we need to project. Individually we need to carve out more time in our lives, prioritise sex instead of expecting it to happen in-between our heavy schedules. It is the one act that can provide an amount of happiness, and that is invaluable. The best, most pleasurable sex we can experience is free.

One piece of advice I can give you is explore everything, every crevice of your body, feast on your lovers flesh, forget about the goal of an orgasm, it is irrelevant; treat your lovers body like it is an adventure and your destination will be paradise.

View footage of the tassel-twirlingly successful Burlesque Protest Shows held in the Coco de Mer shop this Monday and Tuesday!

Last night was fucking brilliant – witching hour saw our shop window come alive with saucy showcases with top burlesque performers Lola LaBelle and Ruby Rose, still life models Kink Ink and the divine sounds of Twin and Tonic. We literally stopped traffic – there were tailbacks down Monmouth Street as everyone wanted to see more – and it was fucking amazing.

And the best bit is we’re doing it all again tonight at 10pm so come and join us for a night of burlesque beauty. This is all part of our campaign to show Camden Council what burlesque really is and this Wednesday will see us taking to the streets of London to give the council a real eyeful – there’ll be tits on sticks, 6ft burlesque figures and all manner of beautiful costumes. We’d love you to help us with the rabble rousing so be at the Monmouth Street store at noon. For more information view full details of the event on Facebook

There is a kind of comedy about the notion of a burlesque protest – tits on sticks, boobs against bills and a Benny Hill version of politics so when approached by the magical and intelligent Lola LaBelle I could not help but giggle at the a tassel twirling outrage.

However, when listening to her persuasive intelligence, the issues around why the industry is taking to the streets were revealed to be a lot more serious. The simple truth is that the burlesque industry is being threatened by a couple of officials in Camden Council who have laced their prudery with misinformation. The consequence of their ignorance will have a massive cultural implication – if their views go unchallenged then this wave of cultural censorship could, like our dwindling civil liberties, add to the freedoms that are being stripped away from us under our own booties.

Ok, so the issue is that Camden Council have deemed burlesque as being dangerous to children and that they state that due to the growing popularity of the art form burlesque acts need to obtain an adult entertainment license in order to perform. The license would mean that burlesque would have to be performed in a strip club or the venue would have to pay for temporary adult entertainment license, which comes at a considerable cost and inconvenience. Burlesque’s reputation will also be tarnished by its having to hold the same license as pole dancing, lap dancing and strip shows.

Camden Council are missing the point that burlesque performers are women of all shapes and sizes who are empowered by their art. They perform because burlesque is their passion, not to make money and they do not perceive themselves or their act as a part of the sex industry. In contrast to other forms of adult entertainment, the majority of burlesque audiences are empowered, intelligent women. Strip clubs are by and large operated by men and men make up their audience. Additionally, these men expect to be sexually aroused by what they see.

For those who already know what burlesque truly is, the issue is that burlesque is an art form and a genre that spans across all the arts – from literature, dance, music and theatre. It is exaggerated costumes and gestures that are salaciously dipped in sexuality and innuendo and it can cover the full spectrum from suggestion and tease through to strip. Burlesque is also known for its political boundary pushing.

My issue is that burlesque is a genre that encompasses many disciplines and styles of performance and with their actions Camden Council is effectively outlawing the genre. Such is their blanket approach to this licensing; it is the equivalent of them banning ‘drama’ or ‘comedy’. Yet when I met with the Council they admitted that they could not actually define what burlesque is but they have still taken it upon themselves to be cultural censors.

So we’re showing them what burlesque is with a series of saucy events.

I have had a serious case of cock block, think of it as akin to writers block with a genital twist. It has never happened to me before, I have had a slight trepidation around my lovers cock and my fear has grown to a slightly uncomfortable size, a hesitating hand, pausing lips. My cock block had crept up on me almost undetected, and when it had developed it was a shock.

I pride myself on being someone who is completely guttural. I love juices, the stale smell of sweat, the musky scent that lingers below, I love hot slippery bodies and I am unafraid of all orifices. Having a cock locked onto my tongue fitting perfectly into my mouth is an oral must. I love food, I love taste; I am a gastro queen.

I want to build a picture here, as the cock block came completely out of the sidelines for me. I mean come on, let’s face it I am the Queen of Coco de Mer after all, how has this happened to me?

I don’t want there to be any misinterpretation of my adoration of oral delights. I am very fussy about what goes into my mouth, I am a girl of quality, I really need to like someone quite deeply in order to allow myself to worship their most treasured parts.

So here I am, in an exchange with a lover whom I have to say I have grown quite steadily to adore, with cock block, which I have never experienced before. Instead of talking directly to him I decided to hold it within, there is a fine line of being open and communicative and feeding a quiet fear into a large neurosis. To be honest I needed to buy some time before I cracked it all open, I needed to reflect on where this came from, how this happened.

My new lover whom I will call ‘X’ is a true master in the bedroom, unfaultable. I don’t want to praise too much because he’s uncomfortable with sincere compliments.

So lets get back on to cock block. ‘X’ delights in making a meal out of me, he praises my pussy like it is a rare breed and whispers ‘you’re so sexy into my ear’, he often calls me naughty, he makes me feel good, easy, happy and free, so cock block should be the last thing that is on the menu.

What is interesting is that cock block seemed to be an emotional reaction both from him and me, and it remained unspoken.

I was becoming increasingly aware that I was avoiding his cock at all costs. It was like a magnetic reaction, I just felt I could not do his cock justice, my hand was uncomfortable wrapped around his shaft, my lips quivered and retreated in shyness, what the fuck was going on?

I really thought about it, I knew that this had to be broached carefully – somehow I had to turn this from a growing issue into something sexy.

I came to some simple conclusions as I racked my brains: My last lover before this one was the ‘King of Cock’ – my lips drove him mad. With ‘X’ it was like I had to relearn how to interact with a whole new penis personality. In short I was worried that I was treating his cock like it was attached to my last lover, which is not a good look!

The reality is that each person is a universe unto themselves. We are not formulaic. We each have a totally unique way of finding our own pleasure, and the truth is experience and technique can only get us so far, they are a reference rather than a sure means of getting a result. What I mean is that the more references you have, and the larger your repertoire is, the more likely you are to find pleasure. However, the only thing that makes you a great lover is your capacity to communicate and enquire, to learn and to get someone to divulge.

Our sexual prowess or ego is easily bruised and hurt, nobody likes to think that they are not gifting their lover true pleasure, that how they are loving their lover’s body is not up to scratch. This simple fact stops us from communicating because it is uncertain ground.

We don’t want to damage our lover’s ego, and it is hard to hear that you’re not doing it right. I was surprised by how hesitant I was to broach the subject, even though I knew that was the key.

The thing is this is elementary stuff, what is dumbfounding was that I was feeling shy, I was almost embarrassed and ashamed, but why? Because I suppose I was vulnerable as we are all in sex.

I also recognised an undercurrent of feeling that he was not wholly 100% into the way I was delighting in his cock, although he said nothing of the sort. It was his reaction, or more like a non-reaction that made me feel uneasy and led me towards the ‘cock block’. I thought about it, I was enjoying it, I absolutely love it so the problem was not a lack of enthusiasm.

So I had two simple solutions:

The first was to ask him to teach me all the tricks of how he loves his cock being sucked.

His response to this was interesting, he was almost (not quite) irked or slightly offended by me asking for assistance. He felt put on the spot, he had to identify where I could be tutored. I suppose my expectations have, like my age, matured, and my desires are different. After all I have come out of a 10 year relationship and I understand that sex is something that you are not inherently good at.

There is no such thing as being good in bed, but simply an innate desire to satisfy and to discover. Amazingly the communication doesn’t get easier, it is simply about breaking the ice and managing reactions, and understanding that there is a goal to the communication. I think to be fair my position of asking for ‘assistance’ is easier, asking for assistance is generous and gracious, however it does highlight that there could be a problem. Highlighting a problem creates an extremely delicate situation. From my lover’s position it is harder, having to direct and guide in what you like is a lot trickier, there is a lot more at risk and it really does take a lot of careful navigation.

The truth is it made me question and look at myself. I realised that I have rarely guided my past lovers with clear and concise verbal instruction, instead I have guided them with my moans and groans and
‘yes, there’, ‘don’t stop’. I have rarely navigated, directed and instructed someone while they have been in between my legs, with the idea that we were exploring my punarni together.

Which is, let’s face it, a whole new project which I am completely up for.

I feel that I confronted my cock block in an open saucy manner, I dispelled the cloud that hung over me by just mentioning it, and happily explaining that my desires to truly pleasure my lover were almost (but not quite) enough. The idea of going to cock sucking school vastly appealed to me, I turned an issue round in my own head into something that to be honest made me feel quite sexy and turned me on.

He was the professor of his own penis and I was a student of enthusiastic, earnest oral delights. I felt completely capable of earnestly and carefully following all instructions. After all, we can all admit begrudgingly that communication is the key.

The second mode of attacking cock block was even simpler (I can’t believe I am such a fool), in the first month or so of being constantly and quite addictively horizontal I kept all my tools neatly locked away. We all know that at the beginning we all have the simple and delightful ‘fucking like bunny rabbits syndrome’, but this is inexcusable, after all it is my own fucking mantra – there is only one essential sex tool that no bedroom should never, ever be without: a frigging lube!

So my mode of attack was Polished Talent. Let me say this: it is the best fucking sex tool known to man. It is cheap, it is effective, it delivers results.

The long and the short of it is that you can give the best hand jobs with it, no more wrist ache. Beyond that it makes you really, really enjoy giving a warm welcoming hand shake, it takes out the drive to milk a cock and puts in the essential ingredient of massaging it with love. No pressure here.

Cock block taught me everything I already know, but as always sex teaches us that we are all on the same playing field.

I believe that God is the ultimate orgasm, that God is the same as an orgasm.

I do not want to talk about sexual techniques or the psychological map of our sexuality. I want to talk about how the energy of God is hidden in the way we fuck – it can be locked away and often missed.

It is something that currently is not widely recognised, though this idea is not as outlandish as it sounds at first; it is mapped throughout our sexual history, within pre-patriarchal societies, tribal communities and Asian philosophies.

I have a layman’s theory about why God has been banished from sex. I am going to conveniently ignore the specifics around the history of religion, particularly where it branched off from the simple reality that all of our bodies are innocent, and where religion drove a wedge between heaven and hell and injected guilt into one of the most natural acts we perform. I believe the reason for this was that religious groups were the original political parties, and in order to retain control they needed financial wealth. They had to capture the imagination of the public, they had to increase and maintain their public prescription.

Their weapon was fear, and at the same time, they promised to be the antidote to that fear; delivering us to the door of salvation and being the key to paradise; if you chose not to believe then you were surely destined for hell.

In order for religion to hold control it had to control our pleasure, pleasure that gifts us happiness, the most severing one of all being sex. Sex had to be the ultimate route to hell; it became the original sin in order to separate sex from spirituality.

Religion argues that sex is purely functional, a functional act simply for procreation. Due to that deception religion therefore had to sell homosexuality as an unnatural perversity, it could not legitimise homosexual sex because homosexual sex is simply there for pleasure there is no possibility of conception within it.
Homosexual sex proves that humans hold a sense of spiritual connection through their sexuality towards each other. Homosexuality has been called unnatural, which is a fundamental lie, as it exists with every animal community.

The issue is why does religion want to monopolise the way we as individuals relate to sex?

Well the truth is sex has the greatest capacity to be the most satisfying pleasure of them all. Sex can be an incredible connection and amazing meditation, it is where we as humans can join together to become one, where we turn into a throbbing pulsating energy.

Fulfilling and satisfying consensual sex gifts us more personal happiness than any other pleasure. This is why it is the greatest threat to religion; because the more happiness we find in the connection to another, or others, the less likely we would to be controlled as a society, and the more satisfied, more peaceful and happier the community would be as a whole – but as a self thinking community.

Sexual energy drives everything; it is the creative force in every one of us. Whether constructive or destructive, sex is how we touch each other, it is a work out for the soul.

That there is a mystery to life is unarguable; we have no real understanding as to why we are here and what our purpose is, but I do believe we can make some simple parallels. We are in may ways made up of matter and energy, matter is quantifiable but the energy that drives all living things is unquantifiable, some call it the soul, some call it spirit, some simply call it life force, it is immeasurable.

The Eastern art and spiritual practice of Tantra studies the breath that gives us life, and the energy that drives all living things. The source of that energy is sexual energy; it is what we are born from, it is our entry to life, and when we die, it dissipates.

The followers of Tantra understand that sexual energy is the fire in our belly, it is what harnesses and propels our spiritual energy, once understood it gives us more life force, more power, and more happiness. We have been taught within Western culture to dismiss what we cannot justify, what we cannot measure, and what we cannot prove. But, if sexual energy is where life or spirit is born from, and God is perceived as the highest form of spirit, and if God gave birth to all life, then that leads me to a very simple conclusion that God is hidden in the very fabric of our sexual interaction. God is the floating-feeling energy that propels pleasure into how we fuck.

On this premise, sex in its most natural balanced state can only be good. God is within us not beyond us. Through our sex and through pleasure we connect to the spiritual state of God, the mystery of life and our continuum, through our sex we connect to each other.

The garden of Eden (PARADISE) is locked, woven into our loins only waiting for us to discover our own happiness that is hidden in the very fabric of our bodies.

So lets begin on the journey of finding paradise…paradise that is patiently waiting for us to arrive.

As we know there are many forms of sex, after all sex is function but we all know it goes far beyond that, that it is an emotional expression even in its most dysfunctional form. Sexual energy is creative energy. It is also the expression of how we love, love is not simple, and love has many twists and turns.

How we love also includes how we love ourselves. Sex is an expression of self-love.

One element of our sexual expression is theatre, we are the architect our own desires, in fact many people consider it art, sex is wrapped up in perception and all the senses. The types of sex we can perform are endless. All are exceptionally valid, deliciously simple, and fucking complex.

The reality is that sex serves many purposes in our life, it is a fantastic painkiller, the natural endorphins pumping through us can relieve insomnia or arthritic suffering. Sex is an antidepressant, sex makes you stand up taller, and makes you more attractive.

Our culture leaves us out in the cold when it comes to sex; essentially, we have to teach ourselves to do it. We are told of its potential secondary to the dangers it presents. We grow up with understanding that as adults it is the ultimate drive, the ultimate desire. We are taught to be cautious and ashamed of bodies, we are not encouraged to explore our bodies with unbounded curiosity.

We are taught to be embarrassed and we are often silenced by social taboo about the pleasure we experience through self-exploration, due to this many people are put off or blocked from discovering the true potential pleasure they can find in the map of their flesh.

Sex is confined to the obvious parts, it is seen mostly as an act rather than an expression. I am constantly shocked through my work when I see how little we all know – how restricted we are.

Our bodies are innocent, each particle on our skin is ours, is us there waiting to be discovered. Unless we approach our bodies with a childlike sense of curiosity, and explore our pleasure as if it is waiting to be found, we risk limiting our pleasure and limiting our happiness.

The reality is that no orifice should be demonised, each part of us including our minds can be released by our return to innocence, and we can be freed by taking on the idea that the Garden of Eden is there right there between our legs.

What better life could there be than a life dedicated to pleasure?

Just listen to the words that describe pleasure: happiness, delight, joy, euphoria, ecstasy, contentment, satisfaction. Pleasure is transformative, positive state in which pleasurable feelings lead us into our happiness.

Hedonism after all is the philosophy that pleasure is of ultimate importance, the most important pursuit. It was founded in ancient Greece and can be traced back to the 5th century BC. The principles are based on the belief that our sole human purpose should be the pursuit of happiness.

I believe in ethical hedonism – Henry Sedgwick an English philosopher from the early 1900’s describes it best:
‘Ethical hedonism defines the highest good as the greatest amount of happiness that is attainable by an individual or by a society‘.

Within ethical hedonism there are two strains, it is essential that we follow them both and practice them side by side. The first is Egotistical Hedonism, the second is Universal Hedonism. Both philosophies are cemented with strict ethics and codes of conduct.

Simply put, Egoistical Hedonists believe that each one of us should aim to promote our own individual happiness, while Universal Hedonists believe that the each of us should promote happiness for all.

One of the major principles of hedonism is not only the pursuit of pleasure but also the avoidance or limitation of pain. From a larger perspective Universal Hedonism states that our collective goal is to make choices that maximize collective happiness and minimize collective pain – for the good of us all.

Let’s face it; if our governments adopted the principles of Universal Hedonism vs. the Egotistical Hedonism that they are currently following the world would be a better place. We would measure our political success on mass happiness rather the power and control of the few. War would be seen as a political failure.

Maybe instead of torture camps we would have camps of seduction where we would use the power of persuasion in preference to the infliction of fear, using the Stockholm Syndrome as our greatest weapon of infiltration, rather than the sick reality of physical brutality.

If world governments were to adopt Universal Hedonism within their political agendas civil rights would dominate over corporate rights, poverty would be seen as a travesty. In fact the whole underlying equation of economics would change to value happiness and sustainability over growth and added value; after all, added value relies on poverty existing in order for economic gain to happen.

Multinationals would be responsible for their manufacturing, making sure that their workers and their environment were providing the maximum amount of happiness. Slave labour would not occur; a handbag would never be worth more than a human life. Fair trade would be the norm, transnationals could not would not invest in cruel dictatorships, the environment which we all depend upon would be preserved. After all, our sole purpose would be the pursuit of pleasure, rather than the infliction of pain.

Both pleasure and pain are a transformative state – the experience of true unbounded pleasure is like touching true beauty. However the unnecessary infliction of pain can easily lead to destructive behaviour, in both a personal and global sense. Unnecessary pain damages us as individuals and in a society becomes a self perpetuating circle of abuse.

There are many philosophers who believe that pursuit of pleasure is ingrained within the psyche of all human beings, but the question is how do we release ourselves into ‘pleasure‘ being a freedom and not an entrapment, this the fundamental key to a better future for us all.

As a society we have demonized hedonism, misinterpreted its core meaning, and moralised pleasure. We have advocated the importance of self denial, we associate hedonism with an unethical pursuit of temptation and indulgence.

While pleasure does include sex, does include food, does include drugs it is not limited to these; true pleasure is satisfaction. Whereas endless unsatisfied desire drives us into a state of unhappiness confusion and frustration.

True pleasure is not about excess, excess is imbalance, excess is addiction. I think we can all agree that addiction is a personal and a global prison.

A balanced intake of the obvious sensual delights like food, sex and drugs can propel us into a transcendental state of self love – it can open the mind, it can help us to connect. However in excess what once was pleasurable becomes a weapon of self loathing and a mask for unhappiness.

Our western society continually feeds us the notion of excess; we need more than we can consume. The tool used is unsatisfiable desire, this is what advertising companies sell so well. False promise that consumption will lead to happiness whereas the truth is it will lead you ultimately into addiction. Unsatisfiable desire is the drive behind consumerism, a social financial addiction. Our economic system is built on irrational growth, it is non-sustainable and it is globally destructive.

We need to change our collective understanding of what is achievable and how we wish to live as a global community.

Pleasure and happiness is almost a taboo, however pain and tragedy are the common states we live in within our society. We find happiness an unreachable, unrealistic goal. Why is it that global and environmental destruction is imagined as an unavoidable reality, and the notion of living within a utopian society is seen as a fluffy ridiculous fantasy?

Look at how many movies are made about the end of the world compared to the number made about the possibility of global happiness and it becomes unarguable…

So my point is simple: hedonism needs to be our universal religion. It needs to be the foundation of all our philosophies. As individuals we need to follow the ethics of egotistical hedonism, and as a community we need to follow the ethics of universal hedonism.

The desire for satisfied, balanced pleasure and the limitation of pain must be the driving force of our existence, and as a community we must drive our society into collective happiness.

My next sermon is focused upon fulfilling egoistical hedonism…and hopefully afterward reading it your personal drive will be fucking yourself into believing god resides between your thighs.

x

Recently I found out that a friend of mine is a virgin – a technical virgin- she is a grown woman, glorious, sexy, and sexually active.

I was baffled by the concept of her being a ‘virgin’, amazed that she actually referred to herself one. She is a close friend of mine yet I never thought about asking whether she had ever had penetrative sex, I just presumed that she had, and really even if she has never had penetrative sex does that truly make her a virgin? What does virginity mean?

Can the definition of virginity hinge on a penis entering a vagina? Surely we have evolved sexually from that stance.

She felt like she had failed because she had not lost her virginity, she felt that there was something inherently wrong with her, that she could not do it – she was scared of the pain. When she revealed her secret I was amazed by how her fear restricted her and how much internal anguish she was hiding. Really she had no one to talk to as she was deeply embarrassed.

I started asking her simple questions: “Have you ever used a dildo?” “No” “Have you ever used your fingers?” “No” The paradox was that she was sexually very experienced and knew how to pleasure herself (in fact I would dare to call her a little sex ‘kitten’).

Yet, saying that, she was really in a state of personal bondage. I felt compelled to help her – she was scared of her own body. What I realized was that nobody had held her hand through the truth; she was living in the dark. It made me wonder how many other girls and women out there had made wrong presumptions about sex – tying themselves up in worry, fear and avoidance. My friend was scared because it would hurt.

So I helped her. You have to relax; if you respond to your body in fear the muscles will contract, and when your muscles contract this will accentuate the feeling of ‘pain’. Breathe; breathing assists relaxation, relaxation assists pleasure, pleasure relaxes.

I assisted her though a number of steps and after one session she was no longer a technical virgin – she was fully acquainted with the total power of her body; she was able to explore her entire personal landscape and enjoy.

Her story brought up a lot of questions for me. I reflected about my own experience and how it had affected me throughout my sexual life. In many ways my own experience of losing my virginity is what led me to opening Coco de Mer – undoing what for me was a horror story that propelled me into many years of anguish. Coco de Mer was an active healing response to what had started out bad and this was a way of turning it into something great.

I reflected about my niece and my friends’ kids, and soon who will be of age… How do we guide them to a safe and healthy experience? It made me think about the value of virginity, that socially we wage too much into the status of virginity. There are many cultures that do not even recognise it as a status.

Virginity is even a political statement, a huge Republican and Christian campaign in the US. They have spent millions publicising that virginity is the only moral way forward for the new generation, making sex yet again a taboo by placing the silver rings on the hands of teenagers, making them vow to God that they will preserve their virginity until they are married.

We need to teach ourselves the relevance of how we begin to introduce ourselves to our sexual selves, the sanctuary that our bodies provide. We need to educate the world that consent is the foundation of sexual ecstasy and having respect and some degree of love assists true physical pleasure.

We also need to introduce the whole body as an entire erogenous zone and remember that sex has many glorious actions. Penetration is simply one of many great expressions of a personal heaven and we need to allow ourselves to be curious and to explore every crevice of our own landscape without worry or fear. Only then will we learn how to dance to the rhythm of the pulsating orgasm.

Make sure you check out this amazing film on YouTube:

In 1969, a 14-year-old Beatle fanatic named Jerry Levitan, armed with a reel-to-reel tape deck, snuck into John Lennon’s hotel room in Toronto and convinced John to do an interview about peace. 38 years later, Jerry has produced a film about it.

Using the original interview recording as the soundtrack, director Josh Raskin has woven a visual narrative which tenderly romances Lennon’s every word in a cascading flood of multipronged animation. Raskin marries the terrifyingly genius pen work of James Braithwaite with masterful digital illustration by Alex Kurina, resulting in a spell-binding vessel for Lennon’s boundless wit, and timeless message.

Here is one of my favorite stories from within the four walls of Coco de Mer. I was minding my own business on the shop floor (as you do) when this beautifully exotic woman dressed in a full-length black burqa with delicate toes and cat-like eyes came up to me and said in her honey like lyrical voice, ‘Do you have anything that makes your pussy taste really nice?’ I blushed and said, ‘No, but I wish I did!’

After she left, buying all of the most risky and expensive tools my boutique has to offer, I knew that she was the most sexually confident and deliciously filthy woman I had ever met.

The questions I have around Middle Eastern sexuality were first seeded by my saucy Mum. When I was 13 years old, my Mum traveled around Africa visiting various tribes, gathering their stories, their myths and their beauty tips. She had the incredible ability to ask the un-askable. Enough to constantly make me blush. As a kid I was hugely entertained by her.

She once came back from a trip to the island of Lamu (just off Kenya, a largely Muslim population) and told me an incredible story. A lot of the women on the island of Lamu had husbands who spent a lot of time away at sea. One day she was invited home by a gaggle of these women. She described how surprised she was when they de-robed from their burqas as underneath their darkness they wore the most beautiful, colourful clothes. Apparently, these women gathered together regularly to have parties. They would invite eunuchs to perform various sex acts and positions to teach them how to have sex. What’s more she told me that they had the words, ‘Welcome Home Honey’ tattooed above their pubic hair line! Not many Western women can get a posse of strict African Muslims to show their pussies – that’s my Mum for you!

This story taught me a fundamental about sex. It’s quite simple; you can never have presumptions when it comes to sexual liberation. Nothing is quite what it seems… that is, until you ask the right questions and peel off the layers. People’s sexual expression remains quite hidden. We are arrogant in the West. We believe that we are the most sexually liberated society. This is just not true. I believe that we have a lot to learn from other cultures and societies when it comes to pleasure and even how to conduct relationships. The more we know, the more questions we have, the more we experiment and the better we uncover ourselves. There is no room for just one way.

Let’s face it – I do have a very interesting job. I have a peephole into our cross-cultural sexual desires. All my life people have confessed to me, told me their deepest secrets, their most vulnerable thoughts and hidden desires. Often I haven’t said much as it’s my direct questions that crack people open. Once they get going they can’t seem to stop…

Once I had an elegant lady in her late 60’s, obviously well bred. She whispered to me, ‘Darling. My husband wants me to pee on him, he has ever since we first met, 20 years ago. I so want to give him his desire, but there is a simple problem. I was taught as a child to hide such things, I go to the toilet with the door closed for Christ’s sake!’

It is amazing being in such a position with a complete stranger, having a singular but incredible insight into just who they are. I remember thinking how beautiful and gentle she was, a true lady. I comforted and congratulated her on being able to gift her husband a desire, that in truth she did not have. It was an act of such love and generosity. All I can say is, “Good for her!”

It is surprising and often shocking what people say, but the truth is all my confessors have been my greatest teachers; they are a mirror to my own fears and desires. A reflection into my own humanity, they have been a window into a fragmented truth.

While I am deeply loyal and never divulge information, I do feel the need to pass on some of the stories that my customers have whispered into my ears. Some are funny some are sad, some have given me my best personal sex tips. Through and through, my customers have been my greatest inspiration.

I have now grown a talent in being able to guess someone’s sexual tastes. I can tell their sexual blocks and sense their emotional responses to intimacy. This is all down to spending an incredible amount of time on my shop floor, observing the way my customers react to the various products on display.

Once I had a very well educated man, who seemed very shy and tentative in expressing his desires. I took him around the shop, guiding him through all of the products. I was watching him intently, seeing what he recoiled from or moved closer to. I picked up clues as to what he wanted to ask. I noticed something very subtle, whenever I talked about the forbidden pleasure (anal sex) he almost shuddered in horror. I had hit the blinking jackpot! Often people reject what they are most attracted to, the things they are the most vulnerable about. He bought all the products for the forbidden pleasure, after a little nudge in the right direction… Now, I can’t make new ones quick enough for him!

My whole attitude has changed towards sex and sexual values since opening the doors of my boutique (a bit more about that later) it has been a very personal journey and I can’t tell you how much I have grown. I am just so happy to be able to share it with you here.